learning how to use a gift

I was a high school student, standing in the bridal dressing room near the narthex of the sanctuary, reading through my manuscript over and over again, barely able to read the words as the pages shook in my trembling hand.

I paced around the room in my blue suit, examining my reflection in the mirror every few minutes. I basically only had four types of occasions where I wore this suit:

- Debate tournaments
- Awards ceremonies
- Funerals
- Preaching at church

This time, I was wearing my suit for that final occasion. I had come back from a youth camp a couple of summers prior and announced to the congregation my call to ministry. I was preparing to attend a Baptist college and get my ministry degree, and my local congregation had licensed me for ministry, so my pastor tasked me with delivering the message one Sunday evening.

I had spoken at the church before, on Youth Sundays and after camps and things like that, but never as "the preacher." I was probably 17 years old, had meticulously worked on my sermon, and was scared out of my mind. So here I was, a good half hour before the worship service started, reading and re-reading the words I had written, praying to God that my terror wouldn't prevent me from delivering the word.


In my memory, I've been returning to that experience time and time again as of late, because now I am tasked with delivering the word from the pulpit once a week. Now, rather than having a month's notice and several weeks to meticulously read, write, edit, and practice, I have to come up with a new sermon every seven days, with rare exception.

And perhaps most astonishingly of all, I enjoy it and am often told I'm kind of good at it.


The topic of spiritual gifts has been a point of much conversation at my church in recent weeks. And I believe that God does give talents and abilities - "gifts," if you will - to everyone. But I think an assumption exists that if God gives you a gift, it's something you'll just naturally excel at doing. You won't have to practice, you won't ever do it poorly, you'll never wonder if you're good at it - you'll just be kind of awesome at it and everybody will know and that's that.

But as I compare myself ten years ago to myself now, I realize that, although I may claiming preaching and teaching as a spiritual gift I possess, it isn't something that always felt natural or something I never had to work at doing. I've often doubted my ability to craft a good sermon, especially on a consistant basis without much prep time. It's only because I've been forced to stretch myself in my new role as a pastor that I've learned that this is a God-given talent of mine.

This encourages me, because there are points in my life where I feel very un-gifted and uninspired, and yet I am in the position where I must try to work out of these points of weakness. And perhaps these are places where I have gifts that I have not yet explored or developed, or perhaps these are places where I'll always feel weak and that's basically why God uses me in those areas - as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 9, God's power can be made perfect in my weakness.


I have no idea what my life will look like in ten years, but I'm hopeful that I'll be using abilities and talents I don't even have at this point. I guess I shall just have to wait and see... and that's the exciting part.