the non-fiducial tooth and glue story

I learned a new word a couple of weeks ago, and it was a mighty good word, too.


The word was "fiduciary." The Merriam-Webster definition:
"noun: one that holds a fiduciary relation or acts in a fiduciary capacity"

...I love redundant definitions. Let's look at the adjective:
"adj.: of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust: as
a: held or founded in trust or confidence
b : holding in trust
c : depending on public confidence for value or currency"

...and just for fun, let's look at the Learner's Dictionary definition:
"adj.: formal: relating to or involving trust (such as the trust between a customer and a professional)"


I actually like the learners' definition best. A financial adviser explained the term thusly: "I function as a fiduciary. This means that I am supposed to always advise you to take your best course of action, even if you have no interest in doing that. If I did not function as a fiduciary, I would only be obligated to advise you on a good course of action, even if I know that there could be consequences down the road or a better option exists."

I recognized the distinction instantly, because when I worked at a hardware store, we were trained to not be fiducial toward our customers. Now, I'm not saying that we were told to intentionally sell bad products or deceive people; after all, we were still supposed to help people solve their problems and finish their projects. But, for example, if someone came in wanting a cheap paint that would fall off the walls and had no interest in upgrading, we would still sell him or her that cheap paint, even though it would almost certainly start fading or peeling in a matter of months.

One of the worst examples of this was a man who came in looking for a specific type of adhesive. I took him over to the glue aisle, and asked, "What are you trying to put together."

He gruffly replied, "I need to glue enamel to enamel."

I paused. This was the first time I'd ever heard that request. I was prepared for any of a number of other projects: wood to metal, glass to metal, plastic to rubber, repairing ceramics, and so on. "Enamel to enamel" was a first.

"What exactly are you looking at repairing?" I followed up, trying to get a clearer picture.

He proceeded to pull a tooth out of his pocket. "I need to get this tooth set back in my mouth and I can't afford the dentist."

I hesitated.

I know you may shocked to read this, but there really isn't anything a hardware store sells that's particularly safe or effective at gluing teeth back together. The most fiducial thing to say in this situation: "We can't help you."

I actually did try to explain that to the man, but he wouldn't have it. He lamented that he had already been to the dentist twice and dropped hundred of dollars on a cap that didn't hold and so on and so on. He pointed to the various glues and asked how each would be, and had a reason each one wouldn't work. This wouldn't stop him from trying, though:

Me: "Well, that one's a two part epoxy, so you'd have to hold your tooth in your mouth for about fifteen minutes..."
Him: "I can't hold it that long! Are you crazy?!"
Me: "Well, that one's made for ceramics, but it won't hold..."
Him: "Are you sure? That's pretty much like enamel."
Me: "Well, that one's also going to have to set, and it takes about an hour..."

Finally, he asked, "What would you do if you were going to try this?" I gave my most fiducial answer at that point: "I wouldn't try to do this."

At the end, he bought some Gorilla Glue and said he'd give it a shot. If I was a fiduciary, I would've taken it back and told him to find a better dentist. Since I wasn't a fiduciary, however, I let him go, to try a experiment almost certainly destined to fail.


Arguably the most disheartening aspect of working in retail was that making a sale was almost always considered more important than doing what's best for the customer. Don't get me wrong: companies and stores prefer that their associates do both, but in the end, money talks. At what point does failing to share the whole truth become a lie?